The Fucking Idle Rich

I dream of marrying a double heiress.

I've only encountered one. She is reasonably well-known and extremely well-off. Trouble is she is in her 50s. Her step-brother describes her as "incredibly difficult". She lives in luxury and in misery in Mexico.

Of course, I'd take an heiress. Usually fun; typically irreverent; sometimes principled; with their own mind. I like that. Spunky and mad.

I have spent the past 11 years associating with the idle rich, trustafarians, Eurotrash, divorcees and heirs. I have worked with them, hired them, lunched with them, fucked them, drunk with them, been out with them and hung out with them. And I still do. It's just that I am not one of them.

I know a chap who went out with a girl during the 80s. She inherited north of £10m. He, prett much a pennyless bastard at the time, had to cobble enough money together to take her out for dinner. She still has £10m+, the wise old bird, and a fabulous house in Kensington. She absolutely loves being fucked. I have not had the pleasure. Haven't seen her in a bit.

Someone I know dated a divorcee in her mid-30s with a son. Her husband gave her a divorce settlement of close to £5m and a flat near The Boltons after she was caught fucking one of his employees (the story was in The News Of The Screws). Lovely looking lady with a gorgeous, smoky voice. A bit mad - I admire her from a distance but would struggle to work up the enthusiam to get involved.

I like rich women. I'll tell you why, dear reader. They own fabulous properties. They don't need to work. They can holidays whenever they like. They insist on the finer things in life. Not taking anything away from you career girls (I know a few), but this lot have all the time that you don't have. It shows.

The rich women I know require professional pampering: the hairdresser (3 times a week as standard), regular massages, the private doctor (for concraceptive implants), the dentist for immaculate teeth, the manicure and pedicure, the waxing, the botox injections, the gym and the swimming pool. A private gym at home helps. These girls are fit, flexible and they look fabulous. Simply mouth-watering.

They have fucking down to an art-form. They possess the bodies, the beauty, the fire in their eyes and their fabulous technique. None of this mechanical shit.

I love their attention to detail: the lingerie, the clothes, the lighting, the scents that they wear, their beds (everyone loves a four-poster), the beautiful furniture, their toys, the range of bondage gear.

What really sets them apart is their depravity.

Make them come and then make then come harder. Slap them around. Hurt them. Fuck them in the ass. Persuade them to invite one of their girlfriends - or the daily - to join in. Get filthy.

These women enjoy a private sex party. They love the ritual, love the costumes, love the venues, love the people, love the show, love making spunk & love the general baseness of it. Holiday sex at wonderful estates, country houses, ranch, hacienda, chateau and during polo matches is another favourite pastime.

To participate in this league, I suggest some instruction from an experienced Paris whore, classes at The Salon, master the dark arts of s & m, clear up any STIs and tie her in bondage positions to hold her interest. Rope usually does the trick.

I particularly love the indignant look - her all trussed up with a bright red ball gag in her gob, drool hanging like spaghetti down her tits. Crop her or cane her well and make that ass bright pink. Make her cry. She will love you all the more. No one has dared fuck her like this. She wants more. They always do.

To make progress, the hook, the hoist and the winch are essential. Get her handyman to install them in a spare bedroom. Ideally, the room should be choked full of wares from Fettered Pleasures. The examination table, cages, leather restraints, handcuffs and chastity devices. She will have a wonderful time entertaining the young bisexual public school girls she picks up. Weekends in London will be very interesting.

I heard of an expatriate 30something lady living in Hong Kong who bought one of Coco-de-Mer's fuck tables and swore it was one of the best investments of her life.

A memorable fuck was with a Oxford-educated, German girl. I met her at a party of the son of an Indian tycoon. She loved being restrained in positions which she knew she would gradually tire in. She enjoyed the mind games: the connection between us. I would smother her in massage oil so that she glistened. To finish up, she insisted on being fucked in the ass standing up. She was a rarity in my experience - a girl who orgasmed from anal sex. Her legs would tremble so much that it took her quite a while before she could walk. Ah, sweet memories. The last time I contacted her, alas, she told me never to call her again. Her loss, dear reader.

I'd love to hear from you if any of this floats your boat. I know too many who do. Those of you I don't, get in touch.

I always like to hear from London-based German girls (particularly those sporting contraceptive implants). Write me.